As the sun set on July and we stepped into August, I couldn’t help but wonder: where’s MY excitement at the new month, new energies, next portal awakening? Every post, every guru seemed to be telling me the same thing: get ready! Here it comes! Lion’s gate is opening! Get your fire on! Wooooohoooo! Get excited!
And yet I’ve been more: where’s my eye pillow? Is it bed time? and Get excited over what?
Those of you that know me know this isn’t exactly my territory. I do upbeat, I do PMA and I do bright side. A natural born optimist I like the sunny side of life and I avoid the shadows. The healer in me is a people pleaser determined to shine light on even the darkest corners for folk, or to hold their hand whilst they explore them, at the very least. I love nothing more than finding the silver lining. Why then, am I not my usual energetic self? This lion’s gate time of year usually has me fuelling up on the plenty of Summer’s bounty and firing up for whatever I’ve been conjuring in the back of my mind the previous few months of the year. Not so this August it seems.
Let’s go back a bit.
January 2024: karmic new year, uploads and downloads aplenty, brain fog and the Chinese New Year of the Dragon. Meditations felt…..vast…..but not in a good way! I recall journaling back then that this year’s energy felt odd, that I couldn’t quite get a handle on it. And, as it unfurled, this only proved itself over and over. We’ve had retrogrades and blue moons and super moons and portals. We’ve revisited old themes aplenty, had to review old timelines and shed old patterns of behaviour. If we haven’t, we’ve been invited to do it again. And again. Each week my classes have greeted me with “what’s up THiS week?!” as everyone tried to navigate the choppy waters 2024’s energy was offering us. Childhood trauma? Up for a revisit. Relational inequality? Take a closer look. Fears and phobias? Full throttle. Self worth? Quite possibly running on empty. It’s been brutal.
Flash forward to this week then. Kind of like a summer solstice, Lammas is a marking of a midpoint. The first harvest, the easing into the rich pickings at the end of summer. A reason to pause and reflect: how much has grown for you? how well are you doing? How far have you come? This year, this festival lines up with a whole bunch of planets going backwards in the sky. This always signals a pause, or a redo. So the introspection has been full on. Felt like a nap? You’re getting it. Got very little zest for much? It’s getting you. Or are you, like me, also having these sudden….remembrances too?
I recently saw an acupuncturist for my back. She summed me up with a glance up and down, a peer at my tongue and by gazing at my eyes. “You have false fire” she assessed. Sadly, I knew immediately what she meant. And it resonates 100% with what 2024 has been about. As a child (and adult fyi) I was an avid reader. I’d lock myself in the downstairs loo to read, undisturbed and would rather sit on a swing and read a book than join in a game of rounders. My favourite place to be even now is in the middle of a field and I have a strong connection to the seasons. And yet, as an adult I’ve learned to ‘get stuck in’ more and ‘join in’. To go at pace, rather than on go slow. Most people who meet me as an adult wouldn’t recognise the little girl I’ve grown from! She was quiet, shy and observant. The adult me is more confident, outgoing, and in recent years I’ve been so focussed on my work - which I love - that the other things I love and other parts of me (because that little inner self never truly leaves) have been rather neglected. I haven’t been for a walk in a field in a long time. Nor have I sat on a swing. If I rest, I feel guilty. If I’m not busy creating some new aspect of content for my business, I feel like I’m failing. Lammas, the planets, 2024 and its Dragon fire are reminding me then, (and you, by the way): burn off the false layers you’ve created, be who you really are, or you’re going to end up regretting it. Shed anything that’s not authentic and build on what is. Fuel yourself with the fire, sure, but bring it into balance with the waters of reflection. Remember who you are. Remember what makes you, you. Although it’s a tough lesson to (re)learn, my body is already thanking me for it. I’m back on my mat more, attending to my own yoga practice ahead of everyone else’s. My back is in good shape, I’m sleeping well and my stress levels have dropped considerably. I’m feeling the fear and trusting the process, rather than putting up a fight and wearing myself out. I’m back to observing and tapping into my skill set as empath. And it feels…..freeing, if a little odd! It’s rather like coming round from a nap and recalling it’s Wednesday not Tuesday!
So, if like me you’re not (yet) hearing or feeling the lion’s roar of August and the call to action, take heart. Look at how much you’ve been through this year and how well you’ve done. I bet you’ve made huge progress without really noticing? And the good news? The best is yet to come. This week, although not exciting has offered me a lot of insight. I DO have ‘false fire’ - so do a lot of us, I think, in adult life. We create personas and fulfill our responsibilities and we ‘plough on’, but what about our inner child? The real us? The one that loved to make stuff, or break stuff, dance or run? Or, you know, sit in a locked room and read?! Do you attend to yours better than I have been mine? I hope so! That’s what this year has all been about: what ARE you, at your centre? Line yourself up with that version of you that feels most at ease, most natural. What we’ve been experiencing, collectively, is ‘the dark night of the soul’. It’s not been fun, but it is ending. Although I’m not quite there yet, there are glimmers appearing, synchronicities. Nudges from my higher self to go sit on a swing. Conversations with like minded people who remind me ‘the tortoise wins the race, not the hare’. Look out for yours, because they’ll be coming in thick and fast soon enough. Meanwhile, I’m off to find me a field and a book.
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